The Good Life

Robert Waldinger in his talk was explaining the outcomes and lessons from the longest study that was ever done on happiness. He started by asking the audience what keeps us healthy and happy in life and when millennials were asked that question, most of them would say either to get rich or to become famous. This is what society forces us to believe, he said. The Harvard study they did on adult development  since the 1930s lasted for 75 years, where they tracked the lives of 724 men, of which 60 of them are still alive till today. The men grew up with different careers, one was even president of the USA.  So, what were the lessons that resulted from this study?The most important message from this 75 year study, was that good relationships can keep us happier and healthier. 

The 3 big lessons about relationships are:

1. Social connections are important and loneliness kills people. People connected to their family, friends and the community are happier and healthier and live longer. 
2. The second big lesson is that the quality of the close relationship is what's important, not the number or if you are committed or not. Living in the middle of conflict, without affection is bad for your health.
"The people who were most satisfied in their relationships at age 50, were the healthiest at age 80"
3. The third big lesson is that " Good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains". When someone is in their 80s, being in a securely attached relationship is protective, otherwise they can experience early memory loss.

Morrie would agree about this, that the good life is built with good relationships. The whole book and his lessons revolved around this same message, as he believed that true happiness comes from having good relationships, giving love and affection, devoting yourself to others and the community, appreciating the little things in life and spending quality time with family and friends. He also mentioned how culture brain washes us and society wants us to believe that having more wealth, fame and achievements is good, but in reality it is not.  

I think when we are young, we do not realize the importance of having good relationships with family and might take them for granted, as we know they are always there and we can always count on them. We tend to get busy with work and making money and might feel its boring to hang out with our family. We don't realize, this until we are older or when we lose a family member, like for example when we lost my grandpa, several years ago.. and then we start wishing that we had spent more time with him and enjoyed his company, learned from his life experiences and stories. Robert said that the happiest people in their retirement in the 75 year study, were those who worked hard on having close relationships "those who worked hard on replacing a work mate with a play mate". So its not about being rich or famous or having high achievements, because these things on their own without having close relationships with family and friends, mean nothing , as you won't have anyone to share them with anyway! Money... fame... success are  things that bring temporary happiness and then ware off... 

I personally love big families and having close relationships with friends and family. When I am 25 or 30 I want to have 3 kids and want my sister to have 3 kids as well, so we can have a big family and our kids to be friends and hang out together. It feels very secure and comfortable being in the middle of a big close family. We have to also learn to decrease the screen time and spend quality time with our family and friends, as phones have taken up too much of our time. 

So, yes it is true that "The good life is built with good relationships", so lets work on building many good relationships with everyone that crosses our paths!